enjoy

I'm working on an utterly magnificent project that will take me some time. so yeah. here are some videos i came across a couple nights ago from march of last year. they make me laugh. subtle humor i tell ya.
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And benjamin is hilarious. [because of me of course].

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What up wid dee axcent? but anyways, until i return to my regular blogging (if there is a 'regular' for me), please enjoy these videos. i'll be back in a week or so with my completed works.

if i laugh hysterically and act like a psycho...

I went to sleep at 5am. class started at 9:30. i don't get out until 6.

a new form of therapy

I have this dish towel that says "oh goody, more dishes to wash." it's obviously stitched with sarcasm. gotta love sarcasm.

I used to avoid any situation that would get me the gig of washing dishes. i even made semi-true excuses that the water made my elbows itchy; therefore, i could not wash dishes. or i would say that i'm not good at it.

My mom would say, "well then, you need to practice." if i said nevermind i was good at it she would say, "good. then it will go by faster." as an obedient child, i could not see any loopholes in that argument. so i washed dishes with a grudge. and hated them even more after that.

But the times have turned, my friends. it's funny and ironic and a drastic turn of events, but i love washing dishes now. i practically leap at a good opportunity to do them. it's become my time to listen to my music. and it's become very therapeutic. a stress-reliever even! from the monotonous task of schoolwork. but it's only enjoyable if i'm not being forced to do the dishes. see the difference? isn't that how everything is these days.

So kids, when you suddenly enjoy doing household chores and wash dishes as an excuse to not do schoolwork, it's time to quit school.

The end.

squish me

I make mistakes. more than i want to. but at least i recognize when it happens.

And try to make it better. but it doesn't always make me feel better.

Especially when certain people make me feel like i'm the outsider. like i'm living in a bubble. and look at me critically. and make me feel even worse.

But i give myself a memory jog. and remember things are only as bad as i make them seem. it could be a lot worse. like this guy.

So i don't feel so bad. thanks guy for putting things into perspective. sorry about your wings. but just know, because of you i'm feeling pretty good about where i'm at right now.

Don't forget. it's not a rock. it's a seed. it grows, and flourishes, and becomes something beautiful one day.

So just keep watering it and tending it. sometimes there are weeds that need to be pulled. sometimes there are intruders that try to devour it. but protect it. the tree that it becomes is big, and strong, and can give shade to other growing seeds.

There is a better perspective. it's called the eternal perspective. so don't be so hard on yourself. yes, you have a lot of work to do. but you don't have to do it alone. have fun. you won't make a fool of yourself. no this analogy to bug's life is not lame. you're doing well. keep going. there's a reason for this. believe in yourself.

You have a lot to give.

"There isn't anyone you couldn't love once you've heard their story."

~ Mary Lou Kownacki

amanda

This is Amanda.

She's brazilian. she has a really strong accent but i understand every word she says. i visit teach her. when she opened the door today and saw us she jumped up and down, squealed a little bit, and clapped her hands together. i have to restrain myself from doing the same thing when i see her. she is awesome.

I love her.

Conclusion: i shall make her banana bread.

my teeth, my phone, my shirt. no biggie

So yesterday this thing happened where i came home from institutes with my arms loaded with cinnamon rolls and such. upon arrival, i realized my phone was missing. yikes. so back to the church i went in order to do a once-over before everyone left the building. i knew for a fact that i took it with me to insitutes.

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Bro Hansen was there. cleaning up. i did the logical thing and asked if he knew of a misplaced (aka tragically missing) phone. he called it. i was hoping i would be able to hear the BZZZZZZZ of it's vibration. it's loud and kinda hard to miss. so when i didn't hear it, i gave him the thumbs up, no problem, i probably left it in the car somewhere.
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And i did. it was in the car. not just somewhere but under the seat i was sitting in. perfectly unharmed and intact. of course, i had a couple missed calls....hm wonder who it was. just kidding. ha. ha. but yeah. there was one voice message. it was from Bro Hansen, the most awesome and funny institutes teacher that teaches Thursday night institutes. his straightfaced sarcasm is pretty legit. when i opened the voice recording, this is what i heard:

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Yep. he's hilarious. when i texted him that i found it, he answered: "I will sleep better now!"

Sorry you weren't there to witness it A and K. it was quite the situation.

This is us. me and phoney, that is. we were trying to find the voice recording so you could hear it too.
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I almost wasn't concerned about whether i would ever find my phone again or not because, as you can clearly see, it is rather old as far as technology goes. i'm blessed to have a phone that calls, and sometimes allows me to text (when the inbox memory can handle it), and takes cruddy pictures now and again. but it was never really meant to be mine. i kind of inherited it when my brother went to brazil for his mission. i take really good care of it; i only drop it sometimes.

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But i was thinking maybe....just MAYBE...if i couldn't find it...that i could get a new phone....? but anyhow, like i said. it's been fairly good to me. so back together again we are.

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Earlier this week my dentist said my teeth are THE most wonderful beauties he has EVER laid eyes, and hands, and pointy metal gadgets on in his life. i may get the words a little off, but he also muttered something about exceptional mouth-to-hand coordination, intricate brushing technique, and that he has never had the priviledge in his life-long career as dentist to behold something so magnificent. but that's off topic. back to my phone story.

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So yeah. let's just say. hypothetically speaking, of course. next time i accidentally lose it. i'm getting a new phone.

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Oh by the way. like my shirt? natalie gave it to me. no biggie..

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sentiments for the sloth

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I got a weird pang of dejavu watching this.

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That'll be me in 5 years when i'm rich and can afford a descented skunk.

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Watch til the end.

tonight

Does blogging at 2:50 am count as "tonight" when you haven't made it a point to go to bed yet?

writing in a journal

I decided to use the most serene time of day to bust out writing in my journal.

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1:30am-5:30am

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It felt so good! totally worth doing again. i don't like writing, but i love having things written down!

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Same time tomorrow?....i'm serious!!

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That's 7+ pages of memory, typed, single-spaced that is now recorded forever. NO REGRETS.

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end of GC challenge

Feb 7th marked the end of a seven-day experiment, or challenge. everything i read, watched, or listened to was supposed to be related to general conference. well, like i said, day one was just getting my feet wet, but i'll give you a briefing of the rest of the week:

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2/2/12, Day 2

On this morning, i woke up with resolution to download the entire oct 2011 general conference onto my mp3 player. i downloaded in three parts: sunday morning, sun afternoon, sat morning, sat afternoon, priesthood session, relief society session. that's pretty much one session a day for the rest of the week (even though i didn't finish them afterall). i listened to it as i washed dishes or sat with my feet folded up onto the couch. i can't tell you how relaxing it was on the first day to fill my mind with the deep, composed, reassuring voices of the apostles of God. it was like listening to zen music. i listened intentenly on this day to every word that was spoken, and i realized that the time has gone by so fast since the oct general conference! i could still picture the speakers in my head as i they spoke, and i realized this is the first time i've really truly listened to general conference since the time the talks were delivered 4 months ago. on day 2, i noted that the more i listened to the talks, the more i wanted to keep listening.

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2/3, Day 3

I continued to tune out television and music that didn't relate to general conference. when i started the sunday afternoon session, though, i tryed multitasking and checking my email or something while listening. i suppose the talks need my full attention - or my multitasking stinks - because i don't remember much that was said. gc isn't meant to be a subconscious learning tool. it needs active attention. that's how the Spirit will point specific lines out that pertain to me specifically. i went to work later in the day at LooCG Spa Party...so even though i made an exception to the challenge for work and school, listening to girl spa party music the rest of the night was sort of a 'break' from conference talks i guess you could say. i felt like it was cheating. escpecially compared to this awesome friend who did the challenge with me.

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2/4, Day 4

I look forward to every time the tabernacle choir sings in between talks. it's important to include music as much as possible in your review of gc. i remember a story that an investigator was given a recording of gc, but all the music was cut out of it. when the investigator finally heard the music of gc later on, it was the music that touched her heart and convinced her to become a member of the church. especially in gc, music may sometimes speak louder than words. i'm sure you've all heard that before. the tabernacle choir music brings the Spirit so quickly. from this week, one that i liked the most was Consider the Lilies. it's even sweeter knowing that it was President Gordon B Hinkley's favorite.

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Click here! http://youtu.be/nh8Hp1fzFek (you might have to right click then open in new tab)

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I included the video because i am a very visual person, but i strongly recommend that you relax your mind, close your eyes, and just soak in the music for one moment. the feeling you get - peace, joy, gratitude - that's what i felt as i listening to the gc music. that alone change my spirits for the week.

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2/5, Day 5

I actually didn't listen to much gc on sunday. it was one of my busiest days to be honest. but i did bare my testimony (which i haven't done in months), and i went to two different ward blocks. does it matter that i did it to make the fast sunday go by just a little faster?

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2/6, Day 6

My birthday. a day spent entirely in school. there's actually a funny story that goes to that though. like i said, i have some drafts saved up, but i'll have to post about this day. it was the most amazing day ever. when i came home in the evening, i spent the night with my family. so not much gc went on this day. i seriously picked a challenging week to do this experiment fordalovapete. but before bed i managed to turn on the talk i left off at. i don't remember which one it was because i fell asleep in the middle of it.

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2/7, Day 7

The last day! i was excited to make it this far. it wasn't a perfect experiment on my end. especially when riding in someone else's car and they have the radio blasted up. or when sitting down to eat dinner and lapsing into a tv show that catches your attention for 5 minutes before reminding myself to get up and rip away. i'm not big on tv anyways. or at least that's what i say to myself...because in my household it's sometimes hard to really escape from. or those short moments when i tune on 89.7fm [classical music station] because my conference downloads are in my backpack. little things like that.

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But what i realized from this experiment was the overall feeling of confidence in my life. ok, yes. there comes the feelings of peace and love for the prophets and the Savior. i totally expected that and was relieved when i felt it. but from a perspective "looking back," i can see that my week was SO FULL OF OPPORTUNITY many of which i haven't even written about in this post. i also felt more genuine when interacting with people this week, which made me feel really happy that i could just be myself....with a calm mind. that's the confidence component that the prophets must be talking about when they say that if you hear and study the Word, you will become more confident not only in the "presence of God," but also in God, and in yourself. D&C 121:45

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I have so much to be grateful for. general conference helped me to open my heart to myself, God, and the people i interacted with this week. it also helped my to recognize the smallest of blessings in my life and feel joy for having them... that mostly includes wonderful people who do little things that bless my life.

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The General Conference 7-day challenge took discipline and conscious decision-making. but by the end of the week i didn't feel the automatic urge to turn on the radio every chance i got. i even enjoyed the frequent moments of silence around me which usually led to moments of just thinking about my life and loving it. i felt more productive with my time since it was consciously spent.

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What surprised me the most is that i feel increased love/appreciation for myself. it's easy for me to love other people, but loving myself is sometimes another ball game. i felt so whole and complete.

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I've also been involved in an ongoing Heart-to-Heart experiment. no wonder i had such a great week. combining the two experiments is like giving jackie chan a weapon. inconceivable!

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It's by Virginia H Pearce: A Heart Like His

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If you feel so inclined to try the same experiment(s). i say DO IT. you won't regret it and who knows? you might even learn something about yourself in the process.

she gave me a gift

There is a lady i know that is very close to my heart. today i had the chance to bear my testimony about the power of prayer. how does this relate? well, let me share. this is personal, but i'll do my best.

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My family has sat aligned to the left on the second row of the center bench in the sacrament room for as long as i could remember. it is the 'fernelius' bench. people know. they warn newbies not to sit there because it's taken.

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When i was 9 years old, i remember sitting in that exact spot and hearing the bishop announcing the usual order of the program......"we'd like to thank sister so-and-so for conducting the music and sister x for being our organist for today..." I looked up and remember what a funny name the organist had. then it lead me to a train of thought. i felt guilty and stupid for not knowing who anyone was in the ward. i was 9 years old. i remember how my older sister knew all her leaders' names and what they looked like, but i didn't even know my own primary teacher's name.

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That night, and several days after that, i prayed that Heavenly Father would help me get to know more people in the ward. it was a simple prayer, but i meant it so much that i still remember it. in my prayer, i was specifically alluding to the strange-sounding names that the bishop mentioned that Sunday.

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Shortly after, and not telling anyone about my prayers, i met sister herzog.

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She approached my mom one day and privately asked if she could teach my two sisters and me how to play the piano. i remember hearing that we would be having piano lessons. my mom clamped down on us from the start, warning us that we would need to practice every day because sister herzog was a very busy woman. [did we? wellll...] she even told us that people have asked for her to teach the piano to their children, but sister herzog declined; she was just too busy. so the fact that she approached us was a very special thing.

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At ten years old, i started piano lessons with sister merrilyn herzog.

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We went strong for two years. lessons every week. then we were over for other reasons, not just piano lessons. her home became my third home, behind my grandpa's house, for so long. we'd eat her food, we'd go through her house freely, we'd play in her backyard, we'd borrow movies and books....we became family.

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Lessons subsided after sister herzog became ill one summer. i had never felt so sick and scared that i'd lose someone i loved. it was tormenting. i prayed really hard that she would recover. she did, but it was a close shave. but it made me realize that i need to express my gratitude more frequently in life to people i care about.

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Sister herzog is the reason i still play the piano today, and the reason i played my flute as long as i did. she is a strong believer in developing your talents, especially when it comes to music.

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I'm writing an autobiography here, but you have no idea how much i'm actually cutting down.

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When i was about 16, the stake offered a couple weeks of beginner's organ classes. free? hey, why not. of course, sister herzog harnessed me into playing preludes every once in a while in sacrament meeting after that. my sisters didn't stick to it....but i just couldn't say no to sister herzog. later on, i was graduated to playing hymns, then to switching off every month as ward organist.

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Sister herzog has changed my life. she gave me something that can never be taken away from me. basically, only i can take it away from myself.

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Now, i'm a volunteer guru. even against my own judgement. i freakin love playing the organ. i love taking on the challenge. And it took me years to realize that.....this was all an answer to my little inspired prayer, and an inspired woman who approached my family will this gift that changed the course of my life in [so] many ways.

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This woman is a crucial part of my life. i love her so much!!!!!!!!

& now i know who that organist with the funny name is. Merrilyn Herzog.

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Sidenote, i am an official member of the WS ward as of today. no more sunbeams :(. but for a good cause. i think.

dim sum and day 1

I had dim sum today for the first time. it's easy. just slap on a brave face, make it somewhat convincing, and go for it. we [me, luz, carmen] went to 186 - the asian - market on spring mtn and decatur.

I ate sticky rice with chicken (and mushrooms), sha??-mai (pork dumplings), a little cake-thing that looks like salmon, shrimp wanton-things, and milk-tea boba. it had caffeine. oops.

But luz offered to pay since i'm the young grasshopper in this case, so i made a conscious effort not to disappoint in my taste-testing of the dim sum offering. really, it wasn't that outta wack for me since i'm a pro eater and hardly ever hesitate to eat anything. i eat everything. that's why they appointed me to be their grasshopper to instill all their crazy filipino dishes on.

Here's the news: i enjoyed the sticky rice and wanton the most, i swallowed every bite, and i have passed the dim sum test. i think i've been promoted to trying chicken feet next.

....in case you were wondering

GC day 1 RESULT:

I noticed that didn't so much delve into gc as much as i avoided everything else. not good folks. i need to find a better approach.but i did notice that i was in a super light and happy mood all day today. does it relate? i don't know. i guess i'll find out soon enough.

But making myself more aware of what i did throughout the day allowed me to use my day more productively. i went to class, did homework, blogged, practiced the organ, cleaned. still, overall: day one was a flop, but only because i didn't actually listen to general conference today. i'm downloading tons of gc recordings manana bright and early to fix this minor unsightliness. i believe i would get more out of this experiment if i include it in knee-time as well.

Today i'm working out the kinks. i really think something good can come from this though, so i shall keep trying. :)

General Conference experiment

GC stands for General Conference. today is feb 1.

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So i am taking on this challenge [and believe me when i say challenge] that bro hansen mentioned in institutes class. the challenge is that from feb 1 through feb 7, the only media i choose to hear [or watch] outside of school or work will only be GC related. that includes talks, music, and anything from last general conference.

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I'm a little nervous. this is taking a leap out of my routine ordinary day.

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On an ordinary day, i default to turning on the radio as i get dressed/ready in the morning. i sing loud and proud. if i decide to cook food or clean, the music goes on again. when i get home from school, i plop onto the couch and watch some crazy tv show. are you smarter than a 5th grader or cash cab? nevermind let's watch chopped. oh wait! is it time to go to bed already? lookee there, music goes on and i brush my teeth.

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So basically, the temptation to go into "auto mode" is quite resounding. so i've been making mental notes and even decided to carry around the conference ensign with me to school today.

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BUT! i'm doing really good so far! this morning, M turned on some music as he gave me a ride to school. and my reflexive response was to cry out a lengthy "nooooooo" and give the ensign on my lap a little shake to remind us both of my mission for the next week. it worked.

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By participating in this experiment, we are testing to see if, and how, listening solely to gc for the next week will influence our lives - from our attitude, to our awareness, to our thoughts, to the Spirit being more present, to our obedience of what the prophets say, to.....you name it.

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So say hello to feb 1. day one of the experiment.

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^ That's me by feb 8. gauranteed. ;)