ohh people people

Today is December 22, 2012.

I survived the end of the world.

But just barely.

the lightning goddess

Grandma Boston

This is grandma boston.....grandma putt-putt......the lightning goddess. she is my great grandma, and this is the first time i've seen her in 18 ish years.

She is just as bright as ever. so funny. so intelligent. 

This thanksgiving ended up being so amazing after our first plan fell through. i actually like that the first plan fell through. remember the blasers? well, my family was planning to drive up & see them this year. it's pretty much tradition. the big heart-breaker though --- i had to work on thanksgiving. which meant i would go to work, come home, and eat out of a small thing of ice cream while watching a movie in the dark lonely living room as my family spent the holidays in utah with the rest of my family.

I braved it up and was ready to make it work. i put in my head that it would be a great thanksgiving regardless. the biggest disappointment was that i wouldn't be able to see my great grandma, which made me really sad because i've been wanting to see her for a long time. you know, before i can't anymore...

But then!!! i found out at work that i only needed to work half-day. And then!!!! my family's plans to go to st. george for thursday fell through because the blasers were going out of town. so we had thanksgiving at my sister's house with grandpa and grandma cherrie. it was awesome. no home-alone business.

And finally!!!!! grandma and grandpa bob stopped by to eat dinner with us ON THEIR WAY to st. george from picking up grandma boston in southern california! so we got to visit with her sooner than we anticipated! better yet, on thanksgiving!! then we went up to st george on saturday to spend time with the entire family together & took way more pictures with all the generations together. 

Great grandma boston :: Grandma :: Dad :: Amy :: Emma --> equaling 5 generations all together in one place at one time.

ashley glowed. i told her so

me, grandpa, grandma cherrie

so she stopped and smiled for the picture. never. happens.
and she glowed even more.
she will make this her facebook profile picture one day.. haha

Uhmm....i have to go....i will finish this post later. i am needed elsewhere...
For now just know: my lightning goddess rocks.

for His many gifts

For the gentle rain that falls on the mountaintop,
For the sunrise that welcomes the day,
For the springtime's new birth,
For the colors that fill the earth:
Lord, I give thanks to Thee.

I know all blessings come from above;
My heart overflows with His goodness and love.
I will spend all my days singing praise to His holy name
For His many gifts which carry me each day.

For His many gifts which carry me each day....


Oh gosh, this is the first time i've been online in 2 weeks just about...except for 5 minute facebook/email skims a couple different times.

It's been wake up, work, come home, nap, go to bed, wake up, work, come home, snack, nap, go to bed... my energy has been kinda low lately too sometimes. i have energy at work, then as soon as i get home it all hits me at once. and time just goes by so darn fast.

Last week jason bedford got home from his mission. this week tyler broadhead got home....these guys are all my age....! it's been strange seeing how much everyone's changed from the mission too. gosh time goes by fast these days. yesterday shawna mackay got married......and on and on.

I'm thinking about looking into school again. for my master's. i don't quite have enough money saved yet, but i keep hearing the sooner the better. the longer i wait....the harder it will get.

Then maybe a mission....still have a couple to few years for that though.

I am grateful for this season.

Especially the beautiful weather and how little blessings have carried me each day.

The past week was tough.

Unfortunately i got myself in the middle of a huge situation early on in the week. and it kinda dampened my spirits the remainder of the week to the point where i just doubted my own judgement and ability to handle situations with patients.

To be brief, i had to see a young black person who the nurses wanted to get OUT of the hospital....and quick. so he was mad and felt he wasn't ready to go home. he called patient advocate a couple times. it was a huge deal. but then i went in to see him. he was a whiner from the start. my patience is thin for whiners anyways, but i had to stay professional. the dad showed up. the patient was yelling and half-faking all the pain he was in. the dad yelled. they both cursed the living daylights out of me. i should've just left, but the patient was half off the bed....i couldn't leave him like that. i should have though. security was called. five security officers showed up. the screaming and yelling and verbal abuse could be heard down the whole wing. needless to say, i was so upset after this confrontation. they were wrong about, well, everything. after staying far too long, i left.

The good thing was....i wasn't alone. i was in the room with a physical therapist assistant. or else i probably would've lost my cool.

But still, we went to the nurses station to cool down and try and laugh it off. but i was flustered.

Later, the charge nurse and social worker approached me and asked....no, begged.....me to come back into that room and try working with him one. more. time. he just needed to be able to transfer to a wheelchair then they'd send him home. so i went back in.

The good thing is, a physical therapist saw the CN and SW approach me, and after hearing about the commotion of just an hour or so earlier, decided to come and lead the treatment so i didn't have to be alone. he's a tall asian guy with a long ponytail. he didn't even have that patient on his caseload. but he came in....to protect me. it meant a lot to me. but later he chastised me and said, "next time you're in this type of situation, just say no. i'm offended that they'd ask you to go back in there after what you went through earlier."

First of all...he was right. i just have a hard time saying "no" to people.
Second of all.....next time??? apparently i didn't know what i was getting into when i took this job. i must be naiive....or give people the benefit of a doubt.....or too good-hearted to expect it.

That's another thing that came up this week....
"Tiffany, you work too hard."
""Tiffany, you have a heart like this [hold up hands to form a large circle]."
"Tiffany, if a patient refuses therapy the first time, just leave." ....i usually spend too much time trying to persuade them to participate in therapy....then later:
"*shaking of the head because i went out of my way to accomodate a patient*"
"Tiffany, did you at least take your break yet?...." most of the time....no. but at least i did that time. haha

So apparently, i work too hard.

I just want to be good at what i do. but i feel like i'm doing something wrong. like there's some secret ingredient that everyone else knows about, but not me.


So this week, i'm especially grateful for my mom, who has been there to hear me vent out my frustrations as they come. especially after picking me up one day from work --the first day in my short career i came home sobbing....and who brought home sheet music from that sunday thinking of me, with the lyrics that sing of gratitude.......For His many gifts which carry me each day.....

I am grateful for the weather, i'm grateful for my family, i am grateful for comfort and peace Heavenly Father sends me, i'm grateful for people/other therapists who take care and look out for me, i'm grateful i don't have to spend thanksgiving alone like i originally thought.

I'm grateful that i enjoy my job the majority of the time. i'm grateful that there's so much yet that i can learn about myself and about other people while i'm there. i really feel like that's a huge reason i took this job....because i know it will help my approach and interaction with people for what Heavenly Father wants me to do in my future.

I'm grateful for great sacrament meetings and the words of an inspired stake president.
I'm grateful that i am so happy ALL of the time. i really am. i usually handle stress pretty well....it was just that one day i almost, well i guess i did, lost it.
I'm grateful that for the most part, people like me okay...at least at work and at church.

I'm grateful i know that Heavenly Father is preparing someone for me to marry one day. it's a huge source of comfort that i'm putting everything in His hands, and not my own.

And most of all,
I am grateful that i am never alone. prayer.

1 year old

9:34pm
1 year ago,
Emma was born.

nov 3rd. totally anticipating emma's birth the next day

emma lee pruitt, born nov 5th

THE awesome parents...birthday party nov 3rd

holding emma for the first time

i wore the same shirt for her 1st birthday
:)

I totally just stared down the clock to 9:34pm, so i could post at the exact right time.....

Emma is a miracle baby.
Fuzzy and soft things make her laugh. she opens her mouth to try to give kisses. she speaks some random alien language (not even kidding). she will sit in the car for hours at a time if she has to..so contently. she dances like no tomorrow when music comes on. her hugs are getting more and more cuddly. she's totally turning into a human being.

I am so in love with emma!

........who is now ONE.

I don't talk about her enough..........:)    :)    :)    :)    :)    :)    :)

linda & cindy

I'm sure the suspense of waiting was torturous for you. that's how excited you must be to get this recognition. haha

But FINALLY! i shall endow you with the 11 questions of the beforementioned liebster award. so if you'd like to participate (& ari, if you'd like as well silly girl), then here you areee!!!:

1) We'll start easy: ritz crackers or saltines?

2) Your favorite place to be/relax/hang out?

3) If you could learn any other language, what would it be?

4) Favorite foreign dish or food?

5) If you could purchase anything right now, what would you get?

6) How do you feel about no-shave november?...i'm curious to know.

7) What is the most important thing to you?

8) Do you doodle when you are in meetings? what do you like to doodle?

9) What is your favorite childhood show or movie?

10) Any awesome memories you'd like to share? [when i say that, what's the 1st thought that comes to mind?]

11) Which population do you have more fun with...kids or adults? generally speaking....

BONUS questions:

1) What's the nastiest smell you've ever smelled?

2) If you were forced to step in something mushy, what would it be?

3) What's your favorite instrument?

4) If you were hit by a car, how would the story go? did you die? i hope not! then you wouldn't be around to answer number 5!

5) If you survived the car incident, i'm dying to know, do you prefer shorts or pants?

If you made it this far, you are my favorite. don't tell the others.

I'm looking forward to hearing what you have to say! 

COME ONE, COME ALL. anyone can answer! the bonus questions are for pickers and choosers. no need to answer them all. i just got a little carried away. typical.

Therefore, even my short posts turn long.

Here's my answers to my own questions:

1 [i get addicted to both once i start on it. saltines make me thirsty. so ritz]

2 [as long as i can lean my head against something and have a soft warm blanket....]

3 [mine would be well, spanish of course...but i'm getting there on that one. so tagalog. VERY handy in the hospital! ...so i'd be set!]

4 [i eat it all. no shame there. i'm a survivor]

5 [an ocarina]

6 [are we only limited to november here people? just kidding. i shave or don't shave as i see fit. maybe i will do it this year. i need to buy more tights/leggings. i only have one]

7 [i said this before. it's my memory, remember:p]

8 [it's takes a nudge to get me started. but then sure why not. i doodle crazy decorated lines and imaginary characters with intricate stories behind their lives]

9 [dang tiffany. really? how abouuuut....pappyland]

10 [when my sisters and i would turn our bunkbed into a fort & played house. we'd pretend smarties were pills we'd have to take every 5-minute long day. or when we tied a big blanket to the bunk to make a cradle-thing and called it "the honeymoon" --no idea why--......when you ask that, tiffany, my first thought was...dang, you wanna make me think? these types of questions are exhausting. haha. but now that i did it, you should too;)]

11 [kids. ages newborn - 6 years. people my age and adults are just too hard to please sometimes. that's when they get all opinionated and stuff. but i have fun with all ages. i'm a hippie pretty much]

R.R.A.T.

Maybe i spoke a little too soon.....tis what usually happens....then things get all jinxed up.

I blabbered all about how i'm getting better at my job.

Then today.

Rene and i (she's the other cota like me) were working together, helping a patient change his gown at the edge of the bed. rene had him from behind, i treated him from the front.

Then he said, "i'm tired."

I thought he was being manipulative, so i pushed him to continue...."we're almost done. once you get your gown on you can lay back down...just get your arm through this hole....."

Then his eyes rolled back. then he gazed straight ahead. his lips turned white. he got a little clammy. i was the only one who could see his facial expression change. i called, "[his name]! can you hear me? [his name]! are you ok?"

Unresponsive.

I directed rene to lay him back down together quickly. we scooted him up in bed. the student nurse and her instructor were close enough to realize something was going on and called for help.

R.R.A.T. came.....rapid response assessment team -- the emergency team.

The room got crowded. me and rene stayed by the patient. i got a damp cloth on his head, she calmly spoke to him & kept telling him to keep his eyes open. he was responsive again at this point.

The room was filled with people. checking his vitals, heart rate, O2 sats...

I could feel heat literally emanating from my body and face. i was in action mode.

They pulled a respiration mask over his face, turned up the oxygen full blast.

While everything was going on. rene and i answered some questions here and there for the team, but mostly just stayed with the patient, talking to him....and again "keep your eyes open [name]"

The patient began crying. all i could see were tears rolling down the side of his face. "what happened?" he exhaustedly muttered to rene through the oxygen mask. he couldn't remember what happened.

We stayed with him for a long while. when rene & i decided to finally walk out and leave the team to finish up, the patient lifted his hand and waved a "thank you" goodbye to me and rene. rene didn't see. but i did.

It broke my heart.

I'm glad that we were there when it happened, and that we were able to react quickly and calmly. this is the first time i've been involved in something so serious. it definitely got me thinking about the whole situation --- how it could have been avoided, how it happened, how we reacted, how it could've been worse...

I think i may have pushed him too hard. i think part of it was my fault. the patient did tell us at the beginning that he had a fever last night, but his temperature was normal today. his feet were cold. he did work hard during treatment....i should've listened when he said he wanted to lay back down, but i asked him to push just a little bit longer.

I feel so bad. i tried to face the fact right away that it could've been partially my fault. i can be an emotional rock sometimes, so instead of putting myself in guilt mode i just put myself in learning-from-this-experience mode.
But it because he's okay, that i'm okay. i was just a little consumed for about 30 minutes after we left by the whole experience. but i was normal again after that.

Breathe.

Good thing i was in an ideal situation. i wasn't alone. rene was there to help. the nursing student and nurse were close by to call for help.

But in the future, things might not be so easy.

I hope i can handle it. i think i can.

I just don't EVER want to be the cause of the problem. i never want to endanger a patient because of a bad decision I made. ever.

So maybe i'm not so hot at my job. i still have so much to learn.
But i think for what happened, we handled it well.
Thanks rene.

belen, she's a babe

My cousin belen came to visit last week. unfortunately, i had to work most of the 2 days she was here. i came home from work thursday & she was already sitting there all cute and stuff on the living room couch. emma greeted me at the door because amy was over. so i squealed a little hello to emma first, then walked over to give belen a *huge* hug, obviously warning her with the professed broken-spanish disclaimer "i just came home from work so i probably smell bad".

I decided belen is part of the family....well, of course. but remember, she was practically a stranger to me. we'd only met once when i was 6 and she was 14. and trying to keep in touch in two separate countries, with a hovering language barrier should've made us strangers, right?

But she felt like my sister when she was here. she has a cute laugh --she laughs all the time-- very cute demeanor about her too. we had some great conversations. perhaps it was more chit-chat rather than really getting-to-know-about-your-life conversations, but we both understood that's the best we could do with words with my conversational spanish and her severely limited english.

But i think our behaviors and actions were able to communicate where words were lacking. every time we looked at each other, we had big genuine smiles on. there's something about the latino culture that can make any stranger seem familiar to you...like you've always been friends. in this case, more like sisters.

Thursday night we went to institutes. ---oh, and by the way, she knows OF the church, but her family is not active. the church is hard to stay in tune with in italy. so this was good that she went.--.

Friday while i was at work, they carved pumpkins. when i got home, we went to the pumpkin patch, then to the strip (duh! that's where us vegans hang out, right?;)).

paparazzi family.

*Sidenote* emma is walking now. it's new. it started probably only last week, which is why my whole family is gahh-ing over it/her right now. well. at least we're more obvious about our gahh-ing than before.

strawberries at the bellagio

this is the most expensive strawberry i've ever eaten...$3.75

she was like this off & on for 10 minutes. we had to drive 20 mph.
the other cars on the strip had to drive around us.
belen got some good pictures of the strip from it!! haha
isn't that what sunroof's are for??? :P

The good thing is....belen will be staying in the united states longer than she planned!!!! she's trying to get into school at the university of utah, but in order to increase her chances of getting accepted, she needs to stay in the united states. so her 16-day trip has turned into a 4-month trip. the good thing is she has family in utah, california, [las vegas!], north carolina, and hawaii (which currently has $99 flights to/from vegas to honolulu no less!). so i'll get to see her more in the next few months that she's here....until she finds out whether or not the school will accept her.

She's not worried about the minimal luggage she brought with her, or the lack of planning for such a big change of plans......what she IS nervous about is how things will go with the school. i don't blame her.

So yes. BELEN. love her. i decided i'm going to go back to school to minor in spanish. i wanna be able to communicate with my family just a little bit better. i think that'd be nice. [all the spanish-speaking practice i'm getting at umc is helpful though. my verbal spanish has gotten way better since being there.]

Are families great or what?

i'm getting there....on floors 4 & 5 anyway

I think i might be good at what i do. maybe not completely right now. but i'm starting to see my own potential with all this...

Yesterday, the last patient i saw was an older man with some coordination and balance issues. his wife was there. she seemed very put-together and expressed some concern for her husband's safety at home while she's at work. i went in there, addressed their concerns, got him standing, doing some therapy, doing some balance & adl's, some coordination exercises, then got him back to bed. it felt so instructive and productive. it was efficient. the wife put her hands together and motioned & mouthed a 'thank you' to me as i walked out. i gave her my happy "you're welcome" eyes & gave her a little nod as i walked out.

I felt 25 during that session. i felt mature (a mature 25 year old...i should clarify). i felt confident in what i was doing. i felt real. it felt good.

And for the first time, i can see me being good at this. really good. like noble peace prize good.

Okay so maybe not. but this confident-evoking realization is beginning to wash over me. 

Then to top it off. alicia...remember her? my supervisor as a student at umc...? the one who said the magic phrase in passing one day, "I think you are capable of working at umc" which really got me thinking i could...then should work there....? yeah, that alicia. well, to get you all caught up, she's now also my official otr supervisor...so she's the one i collaborate with on everything, and we work on the same floors for the most part. 

Well, in the past when i was still a student, she mentioned that she could see me as an OT. that was my 3rd-ish week ever at umc mind you. like 4 months ago.

Well today, we were talking about stuff. we do it all the time. just talk about stuff. patient stuff, work stuff, life stuff, food. but i was chuckling at a hard decision she had to make about a patient getting ready to be discharged and commented, "I am soo glad that i don't have to make those decisions!" [usually discharge decisions are left to the OT's.] then as she got up to walk away (we were both in a hurry actually to document and see other patients) she laughed & said, "well, not until when you're an OT at least.." then laughed really hard with her evil little smile and squinty eyes and walked away. i could only let out a, "when!?" as she walked on.

Alicia likes to joke, but she's also very honest. & i can tell the difference between her joke laugh and i'm laughing-but-i-really-mean-it laugh. i respect her judgement and opinion very much. so the fact that she sees me being an OT one day means a lot. --probably because i never thought i'd be capable of it.

These 3 weeks i've been working there...i feel good. i'm not afraid to ask questions. i don't pretend to know everything. i just do. and i ask. and i connect. --with the patients and staff-- better every day.

And i can see me being good at what i do.

Is it hard work paying off? i hope so. all the training up til now:: worth it.

& i never want this realization to end.

liebster award

I told my mom aria gave me the liebster award. she gasped rather loudly and i laughed. she thought it was something bad. it doesn't sound very nice to be honest....in my head it comes out as lesbian and gangster. NOT SO my friends. not. so. it's actually quite nice.

The word liebster is german for favorite, dearest, beloved, valued, sweetest....As aria stated, it's also used at the beginning of letters and prayers, etc. :) that's awesome.

It's an award given in the blogging world for people who have less than 200 followers....whew. i'm cutting it close there ain't i?..:P

The rules:

1. Post 11 things about yourself

2. Answer the questions the nominator made for you

3. Create 11 more questions for the blogs you nominate

4. Choose 11 people and link them to your post

4. Go to their page and tell them too

5. Oh, and of course, no tag backs

11 things about me....

1. this will be the first i share because it's the freshest bit of news that i'm sure many of you do not know about....and it has to do with the fact that i teach piano lessons. i used to teach a 9 year old for a few months. she always gave me cute gifts in return. like this scarf that i always get compliments on when i wear it. it's the brightest bit of clothing i own. i currently teach a middle-aged lady...good friend of my family. i've been teaching her for a few months now. & the fresh bit of news is that today she left me a card saying super nice things and gave me a homemade beanie. how nice!! @isabellebaker & @sheilajensen

2. yeah, i've always wanted to work with kids. but right now apparently i'm supposed to be working at the university medical center for a while. this will be the 3rd week as a real COTA/L -- certified occupational therapy assistant/licensed. & 2 days ago i got a fortune cookie that said "your winsome smile will be your protection." that's really true. i think my 'winsome' smile is what's keeping a certain population of patients from getting all violent on me.

3. i used to have a legitimate silver front tooth. my parents told me it was a magic tooth. i was very proud of it. i still remember the day i got it....and the day it fell out several years later. dang. i have a good memory. that's one big thing about me....[onto number 4]...

4. the most important thing to me is my memory. that's a big reason i like to be detailed when i write, and why i like to take tons of pictures and record everything. my biggest fear is that i'll forget.....i don't know what. but that i'll just forget...i don't want to forget anything.

5. i know who my great grandfather x15 is. how many of us can actually say that? his name is Gustav I. he was the king of sweden. 'fernelius' is a swedish name. did you know that? maybe you don't care, but i think it rocks. king gustav has some of the same facial features as my grandpa. it's hilariously awesome. (i.e their eyes & nose!!!)

king gustav eriksson vasa

grandpa fernelius

6. i love tootsie rolls. i don't understand why they make them so small.

7. my favorite animal are skunks. it's been that way since i was 8. i still remember the day i decided to make them my favorite. my reason at the time: they're so cute. they eyes are shiny, they have a cute nose, and nobody likes them! therefore, i will like them because i think they're cute and i feel bad for them... i remember driving through utah a couple different times growing up and smelling distance skunk scent. i pretended it smelled disgusting like everyone else in the van, but then i would breathe it in deeply because i wanted to remember the smell forever. it's not as bad as people say.

8. i am hypersensitive to sound. any sound whatsoever. if i'm trying to concentrate...the sound of breathing will bother me. i pick up the slightest sounds. i try not to let them irk me. but the ones i think are the worst are sniffling, slurping, 'wet' chewing, and hiccuping. it stresses me out. i don't understand why. but i when i pick up a sound that i find irritating, i become dysfunctional and all i can think about/focus on is that sound. so i just stare at nothing, try to relax, and wait for it to finish or go away before i continue with what i was doing.

9. i snap with my pinky fingers. i can't snap any other way.

10. i am happy when other people are happy. if they are not happy. i want them to be. i don't usually do things to please myself, i do them to please other people...i can't help it. for that reason, i am so not argumentative at all and avoid contention at all costs. i'm also the most content and simple person you'll ever meet. & i know where true happiness comes from. so that helps.

11. i'm getting better at singing. [this just came to my head & i got excited so this will be my #11]. today i vibrato-ed really well for the first time while singing hymns in church. i suck at vibrato-ing! so this is great.

________________________________________________________________________________________

Aria's questions for me:

1.  Do you like your hair up or down (may be substituted for long vs short)?

I think my hair looks better down if it's fixed right, but i like it up. i can't handle hair in my face. My biggest qualification these days is simply that my hair is layered. then i can swing whatever.

2.  If you knew you could not fail, what would you do?

I would look for my husband then make him marry me.

3.  What actor would you like to play the lead romantic role in the story of your life?

in my world, everyone's a pony.
& we all eat rainbows and poop butterflies.

4.  Do you ever get lost?
Lost how?...i get lost all the time. following conversations...i tend to sidetrack a little. but if you mean physically lost... i used to get very disoriented sometimes. until some major events happened in my life to make me decide i needed to pay more attention. for example, once i got lost walking home from school. everything looks different walking versus getting a ride. i'd been back and forth from that school a hundred times. still. my mom had to come pick me up at the library, further from my house than when i started. i told her i decided to walk there instead because i had to use the bathroom. she didn't buy it. hooowever, my topographical skills are improving!.......i didn't get lost in hawaii!! [cough]

5.  What is your favorite kind of toothpaste?
DoTerra onguard toothpaste. hands down.

6.  Right.....*now*......are you happy with where you're going?
Yes. i think i'm going in the right direction. the future is so obscure right now, but i trust God completely. i'll do whatever He tells me to do. He led me here, so i'm happy with where i am. it'll lead me to good places in the future.

7.  If you could live in a foreign country......
Ecuador. it's the most beautiful country in existence. if i could live anywhere for a time it would be there. plus then i could finally learn how to speak spanish fluently. [p.s. i hear some places in ecuador are similar, but more favorable than hawaii. and the food is super good. and i have family who lives there that i could finally get to know better...so yeah]

8.  Did you watch the Presidential debates?
No, sorry. i tried to catch up on one -- the ryan/biden one. but i couldn't take it. i quit after about half hour through. i think they all look and act like fools in the presidential debates. i know i should be aware of what's going on...but i can't take all the blatant lying and hypocrisy. the debates just make me wither inside and i come out of them feeling even more distrusting and disgusted and distant than before. so no. i haven't watched them.

9.  What is the one thing that you are best at?
Hm. that one's tough. i've always felt i'm good at a lot of things...but not great at any one thing. i guess the thing i'm best at is learning. i love challenging myself and trying to do better & be better than before. i have a certain amount of self-discipline that causes that. i love learning through life experiences. and i think i'm good at it. i tend to pick things up quickly. it doesn't matter what it is...in school, in life....i guess that's what i'm best at -- learning in order to increase understanding.

10.  If you could re-live a day in your life, which would it be and why?
Oh dang. i know what it would be. september 15th of this year. it was a great day. i know it turned out the way it did for a reason. but i have a big regret on that day. something i didn't do/say. i've thought about it every day since then. but afterwards, God told me to calm down. apparently, He wants me to trust Him big time.

11.  What song would you like sung at your funeral and who would sing it?
My Heavenly Father Loves Me -- emma would sing it. she has the best voice ever. and she's only 11 months. just imagine her voice at __years when i'm gone. it's my favorite primary song. it just gets right back down to the basics. it's so innocent and pure. what i like about it most is how it reflects my own idea of what gratitude really is. and it makes me feel happy.
Or
Amazing grace/as now we take the sacrament/how great Thou art instrumental medley. have you ever heard it? it's wonderful!!!! one day you need to hear the whole thing. if i could ever claim my name to a piece of music it'd be this arrangement. i played it once in sacrament meeting on my flute. now i play the piano part to it all the time. it's absolutely beautiful.

Well there you have it. thanks aria! that was kinda fun. unfortunately i'm gonna have to break some of the rules to the liebster business. i simply do not have 11 people to nominate and pass it on to. but, if you are willing,

Linda from Viva La Vida!
Cindy from As My World Turns
Amy from Pruitt Postings....

It's all you!! i'll get you the questions in the near future. tonight it's late and i have work tomorrow...
Peace out.

it's october 16th:)

MY LITTLE BLOGGY-POO!!!!!
Is one year old today.
I've been looking forward to this day since october 16, 2011...wondering if it would ever come.

& though i remember the thoughts/concerns/hesitations/and encouragement that all came with starting a new blog. it's too long to post here. but briefly:

• Tia & i talked about starting a blog.
• I asked for template ideas on facebook. i was utterly clueless. cindy came to my rescue with blogging resources.
• I realized that megan thorne was an avid blogger. i read her blog. i loved her blog. it made me happy. it made me want to start my own blog.
• After a couple weeks, i decided i would give it a shot.
• I felt a huge amount of excitement and encouragement from both ari and megan....little did they know! but they're the big reasons why i started blogging. because of their love of blogging & consistency with it. i'm not a very consistent person, especially at that time in my life. so it was a personal goal anyway to be more consistent. maintaining a blog would be a huge and challenging way to conquer that.
• I knew i would either succeed or fail quickly. i figured if i could blog consistently for the first few weeks...then months, that it'd become a habit.
• So i gave myself a real determination to commit to it. 
• [Because, let's face it. my very first blog died after 3 posts. embarrassing. too apathetic i was. much to learn i had.]
• Then i found out that aria blogged.
• I realized how big the blogging world really is.

My first posts took forever to write. i realized how hard it was to adequately express myself in a way that i could be satisfied with the image my blog portrayed.....i didn't even know who it was i was trying to portray.

I experimented. many times at the beginning i had to force myself to write. it literally took me hours to post anything. this blog went on a little self-discovery fieldtrip with me. it helped me discover who i really am. and that it's okay to be myself. and it has helped me to love journaling. because writing was never something i enjoyed.
Weak things....+Practice.....=MadeStronger
It feels natural for me to blog now. expecially considering how much i struggled with it one year ago. & never in a million years ever imagining myself to be a part of it like this.
But things... people... can change!

Thank you megan, ari, cindy, and aria, for being the first ones to help me love blogging. [whether you knew it or not] & everyone who's enhanced my blogging experience since then....i love you for it!
I'm grateful for the experience of getting to know people in a whole new way. everyone is so different!! and yet, somehow we are all very much the same. so i realized that, just as i love all of you for who you are, i can love myself for who i am...and who i am becoming.

In one year, this blog has been a journey. a reminder. and a testimony.

If not for anyone else, then at least for myself.
And for that, i am grateful.

Happy birthday blog!

olanrogers

Two words everybody....OLAN freakin ROGERS!!!!!!

 

 Once you get started on his videos, there's no going back. you'll be in love for life.

grateful. always grateful for prayer.

My sister ashley tells me i should get ready for bed since i have to get up early tomorrow....but i just REALLY want to blog right now instead. will i regret it?? possibly. ehh not. but let's compromise...how about i keep this post short today, ya?

Today was just SUCH A GOOD DAY. i kept getting answers to prayers everywhere. today it was through the speakers in sacrament meeting. the thing was. what they said so directly coincided with what i've been earnestly praying about/for lately that it's as if i can still feel Heavenly Father's eyes gazing down on me like, "Did you catch that? Did you hear what they said? I was talking to you, you know."

I know i talk about praying and answers to prayers a lot, but honestly i could talk about it even more than i do. i can't tell you how many times i've considered writing some long boring post about how blessed i am that God answers prayers. & in the waay He does too. it all goes together.


I'm grateful i developed a strong sense of prayer at a young age [i think i even wrote about one of my early praying experiences some time ago], and kept working on it until i truly felt that my understanding and relationship with Heavenly Father through prayer has become a sound one. of course, it's still developing in so many ways...but my faith in prayer is solid. it cannot be wavered. HF knows that about me.

It's because i have never ever said a thoughtful prayer that has gone unanswered. i try to pay attention to what i'm praying about now because i know in some way, at some time, the Lord will bring it to total fulfillment. and i want to be able to recognize them when they are answered just so i can quickly default right back down to my knees and thank Heavenly Father, and just let Him know, that i see His Hand in my life. and that i'm always looking for it. and that, in the most humble way, i expect it. because it will always be there. i just need to open myself up and look for God's major and seemingly minor influences in my life.


Prayer is a process. that's something i've learned. it matures as i mature, and as my testimony matures. all i can say is, gotta keep those spiritual senses open. then let God do the tweaking.

I just love the prayer!! it's so personal. so dependable. and so real.



Hm. feeble attempt at keeping it short today....oops. but ahhhwelll. i'm a grateful gal, that's all.

the $150 bananas

I started writing this friday but got distracted and didn't finish. but basically, lately i've been more easily irked by my dad than usual. over ridiculous things. if i told you what kind of things, you would just shake your head at me. and it's been going on for a few weeks now. and the problem is...i don't even feel like the fault is mine. red flag! that's definitely a sign that maybe i need to look at myself closer and make some changes there too. so i'm trying to see things from his perspective....and it has really enabled me to have more patience with the situation. there is, after all, an enormous build-up of idiotic people, events, & stress shoved down his throat right now....so ya know how that goes.

Friday, i spent some quality time with my mother as we went to umc to do a couple last-minute things for work, then went to the store. i have no idea how the conversation came up, but in the car she told me some stories about a younger dad....my dad. stories i may or may not have heard before, but that definitely softened my heart toward him. i don't believe the timing of these stories were coincidence. i'm notorious for keeping my emotions and thoughts to myself...so no one else anywhere is aware of my internal frustrations with my dad. so my mom didn't know that i needed to hear this. but my Father in Heaven did. prayer.

One story i'd like to call: the $150 bananas: because that's how mom joked about it as she was telling me.

Dad and mom were very young. she didn't mention their age, but they were a young couple, poor, living off hard work that still didn't pay off, and surviving through sacrifice [i know this, but all my mom told me was they "just didn't have money"]. they may have had a couple young children to care for at this time also. 

One day, my dad went to the grocery story to buy some bananas. while he was there, two ladies (a daughter and mother) with a baby approached him and timidly asked whether he would be able to help them out. they explained that they owned a house and payed their bills, hadn't received their last paycheck yet, and were waiting to hear back from a job one of them was supposed to be starting soon. but in the meantime, they had no income and were unable to afford diapers and food for their baby. dad listened. then told them to grab a cart.

They went through the store. dad reassured them that they should grab whatever is was that they needed. the ladies picked up a box of diapers, and put it in the cart with some hesitation. dad reasoned with them that diapers went quickly, and they would probably need more than one box. "are you sure?" was their reply. but with thankful hands, they picked up another box and put it in the cart. as they continued through the store, they picked up other necessities like food for the baby. but dad. he suggested they should get some food for themselves also. he encouraged them to grab another cart. the lady at that point was quick and pleased to obey. he suggested they get some bread...they could make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches until they were able to work. he told them to get some noodles...then some lunch meat.....and on until they had enough food to last for several days. 

Dad purchased the items at the check out. the ladies thanked him once again and insisted that he give them his address so they could pay him back when the awaited check arrived. dad gave it to them, they left. then dad picked up a small bundle of bananas, payed, and went home.

Mom said that he did things like this all the time, but she never found out about them until waaay later, and only if someone told her about it. mom told me that the only reason dad explained what happened that day was because he knew they didn't have money, and he needed to tell my mom how one bundle of bananas ended up costing them 150 dollars. --Just imagine. dad walking into the house carrying a bundle of bananas in his hands. the sheepish expression of words escaping his mouth, "mom, these bananas cost us 150 dollars today." my mom, "what?! how did that happen? we need to return it and get our money back!"....that's how it happened, anyway.--

Mom said the ladies never ended up calling or paying the money back. but my dad informed her ahead of time that whether or not they did, he felt the need to help them. so he did. and whether or not they really needed the help, that's between them and the Lord. out of his hands. he did his part and wasn't going to turn back on the choice he made when he decided to serve them.

Mom told me two other stories similar to this. i know, and have always known, that my dad has a good heart. people saw that and took advantage of him when he was young. i think that's one of the causes of his frustration and impatience with people now, as he has gotten older. but he still has a good heart. i grew up with a great example in my life. a man who was never afraid to give. who did it quietly, never in return for praise or glory. & who actually avoided praise and glory as best he could. who wanted to serve others because he saw a need. who didn't even have enough for himself, yet desired to share what he did have with others less fortunate than him. i saw a lot of that growing up. how rude of me to forget it. well, i guess i've never forgotten, but i have made myself somewhat numb and proud. shame on me.

For my mom to remember these stories with such great detail...it's just a testament once again of how much she loves my dad. she kept explaining to me, "daddy wouldn't remember these stories. but i do." 

He is so good. when he sees a need even now, he can't help it. he wants to give. it's just who he is.

So i should be more loving towards him. even though the 'feud' isn't necessarily between me and him, but between a web of frustrating circumstances, i should be more patient. and forgiving.

Because, when all is said and done. my dad is uncompromisingly the best man i know.

let's talk rain

Nevermind. i don't feel like thinking.

Which is okay because i only have 3 days left that that's allowed. work starts monday. so i shall take advantage. of not thinking.

But here.
From 2009, & still just as true 3 years later...

=D

Love da rain.


The lightning always reminds me of this story i heard many years ago in Sister Ewell's adult religion class:

"Smiling Through The Storm"

- Author Unknown

There was a little girl who walked to and from school every day. One day, though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she set out on her daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. Her mother was concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school and she herself feared that the electrical storm might harm her child.

Following the roar of thunder, lightning, like a flaming sword, was cutting through the sky. Concerned, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did so, she saw her little girl walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up, and smile at the sky.

Another and another flash of lightning followed and with each the little girl would look up at the streak of light and smile. The mother pulled her car up beside the child, and she lowered the window and called to her, "What are you doing? Why do you keep stopping?"

The little girl answered, "I am trying to look pretty! God keeps taking my picture."

milestones

Some pretty exciting stuff happening in the fernelii/pruitt households. little things. but that's good enough for me.

 

Emma turned 11 months on october 5th!!! what a babe!

Then yesterday when they came over for lunch, i saw...with my on two eyes...emma freakin walking to her mommy a few feet away!!! she was reluctant, but her mommy wanted to show it off and encouraged emma to make it happen. i was glad. because that was the cutest thing i've ever seen. i even had a dream the other night that i was there when emma started walking and it was a hilarious little wobbling walk in the dream, but in real life she was much more normal and cuter!!! the picture above and below are obbbviously from facebook;). & my dad is gross. so feel free to cringe a little at his remarks.

I gave blood today for the first time! last time i forgot my i.d. but not today!! i honestly didn't think they'd let me give blood considering i have weird blood things that go on with my body. not to mention i assumed my weight and iron levels would be borderline. turns out, my weight and height proportions were exactly right to qualify. one pound less & the guy said he'd have to defer me. whew! made the cut off. and the lady said that my iron was 13.5, way higher than the minimal 12-point-something. so yay! i bet it helped that i prepped throughout the day by drinking water (considering i'm not a big water drinker) and drinking chlorophyll beforehand. & applying some balance and aromatouch essential oils.

 

So i gave blood, i watched them prick my finger and stick my left arm. afterwards, i expected at least a minimal amount of lightheadedness or dizziness or headache. something. considering i get dizzy very easily. just standing up too fast i get dizzy. hm actually, to be completely honest, that hasn't happened in quite some time. i haven't noticed that. my hands are still unbearably cold always, but the dizziness hasn't been a huge problem lately. hmmm... but nope. i felt completely and totally normal/myself. no symptoms at all. it was a pleasant surprise.

 And the other thing. i passed my nbcot certification test!! i found out the unofficial pass/fail status via the nbcot login page last thursday...10.4.12. my classmate thom found out the same day...he passed too!! so far, everyone who's taken the test has passed. amer, tia, wendy, thom, me. kate's taken it too but i don't know how she did yet. and lucy won't find out about hers for two more weeks. yay class! we rock. =D oh yes, and thom got a job at dream therapies....i'm so jealous. it sounds so fun...and smelly. but he'll do well there. he has his own kids at home so something routine and easy would benefit his personal needs better. he can handle it and have so much fun also. darn me for being so young, single, and ambitious to choose a place like umc to work. mine's the total opposite of his....mine will be stressssful, intense, high action, etc. but it's because i am all those things that i decided now's the best time to go big to learn a lot first hand so that later on...as i settle a little more in life...i can specialize or move into something a little more laid back.

Lastly, young benjamin is not such a young lad anymore. =( his voice is changing. he occasionally croaks and squeaks. his voice changed over night literally. one day i woke up and heard benjamin speak and i literally asked him, "did your voice change?" dang boy! it had only been 24 hours since i last heard you speak!! he's 13, 14 in march. he's turning into an awkward teen. he replies in those 2 word answers. he mumbles. he talks in a low muffled tone. he says "like" and "uh" every other phrase. sigghhhh. oh life. just yesterday i was listening to some old recording between me & ben on my mp3 player. one was from almost exactly a year ago. his voice was still the voice of a child's. that was back when either he, ash, or i would answer the phone and we'd all sound like the same voice to the person on the other side. people always thought ben was either me or ash. but now his voice deepening. haha funny guy.

 

Here is a quote-on-quote 'interview' i had with him in september. just a random video we took because it had been a while since i'd done one with him and he agreed to participate. but in it, it's easy to notice some of the changes and how much he's grown.

 

Me: so i'm going to ask you a question and you answer okay? How do you like your new braces?

Ben: i guess they're alright

M: do they hurt?

B: uh. sometimes.

M: what's the hardest food to eat? er, what's the food that you wanna eat, but can't?

B: almonds.

M: almonds? why almonds?

B: because i usually eat em every day, but if i do they get stuck in the little slots or whatever.

M: oh. i didn't even think about that. i didn't know you liked almonds that much.

Okay. what about popcorn?

B: uh. i never really liked popcorn.

M: laffy taffy?

B: laffy taffy i could still eat if i tried.

M: how about. how is it like brushing your teeth?

B: it takes a good 20 minutes.

M: 20 minutes? you must be thorough.

B: i'm getting better at getting through the wires.

M: do you floss in between with that little stringy thing they give you?

B: well, they have like a little hook thing to go through.

M: Fascinating. i remember those days. how much time do you have left?

B: um. how long has it been since i got my braces?

M: um. a month? maybe

B: oh. it feels like 2. maybe 4 or something.

M: yeah. it's probably been a month.

B: oh well then that still leaves me with a year & uh 11 months.

M: oh. okay. [muahahaha]. well good luck. i wish you the best.

Any last thoughts?.....about life?

B: No.

 

*Stand byyy me...stand byyy me*

Annd cut.

Kudos to the milestones of life.

"Life is not meant to only be appreciated in retrospect. this is the day which the Lord hath made. rejoice, and be glad in it....there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. there is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it. perhaps we should be looking less with our eyes, and more with our hearts...one sees clearly only with a heart. anything essential is invisible to the eyes...Therefore, let us resolve to spend more time with those we love. resolve to strive more earnestly to become the person God wants us to be. Resolve to find happiness regardless of our circumstances...we cannot take for granted one single day. i pray that we will not wait until we are ready to die before we truly learn to live."
Dieter F Uchtdorf, October 2012 General Conference address