i hope i'm not turning into mr sassenberg

LVOE
LOVOE
OVEL
LOVLE
OVELO
VOLE
EOLVE
OVLE
VEOL
LVEO


....

I know how to spell 'time.'
I guess that'll have to do for now.

Until then, i must tell you. i got a fortune cookie last night.
"You will soon make a change at work"

I believe it. just not quite sure how yet.

mint lemonade

Paulo & Star came over yesterday :D

Paulo's a chef. he's the last 2 pictures in this post a while back. he's so cheffy that he has big power in utah as far as cheffiness goes. i bet a couple of you have eaten his food.

They came in. they sat at the table where benjamin had some mint leaves laid out from his garden.

"If you roll about 20 of these leaves & chop them up into little blades, etc etc....it makes really good lemonade."

His chef juices were going. and we were sold.

We brought out the cutting board, an old-fashioned juicer, a random bag of lemons i have no idea why was in the fridge.....and brilliance had begun.

Not even 10 minutes into our visit, he was at work. but he's used to 14...16-hr work days, so maybe this was actually leisure? he agreed to that.

we did it old-fashioned & used this ^

1) chop the mint leaves
2) fill a pitcher <1/2 ice, then throw the mint leaves in
3) beat the mint leaves up with the ice to bruise them a bit
4) slice a piece of lemon peel and chop into mini bits, then take about 5 lemons and grate the peel until you get a small lump of lemon zest
5) cut lemons (not in half, but diagonally) and juice them
6) when you have about 2 cups of lemon juice, dump it allll in & fill with water

7) 2 cups sugar (a lot, but it's worth it)

AND YOU GET THIS!!!

After dinner Paulo mentioned something else. shaking my head slowly, i said, "You are such a chef!"
And he laughed.
Which topped it all. because he's one of those guys that if you make laugh, you get bonus points for life.

& apparently cafe rio sells mint lemonade, which is what my OTR alicia told me....i dunno how it compares.
All i know is that 4 ingredients & 15 minutes later, we were in hog heaven.

cold preserves

It's really weird to like someone so much.
To go from talking to them about everything all the time, to nothing at all.

No more talking. no more texting. no more hanging out.

And the only connection you have anymore is when they show up every once in a while on facebook or something.

From an outsider's view.

It's weird. i don't like it. but there's no other way.
......

Preserved

The turkey is cold.

It's in the freezer.

It could've gone in the fridge,

But i tried that once.

And again this time, for a while.

The fridge is near.

Tangible, accessible.

Available.

And the freezer is distant.

Fulfilling it's purpose:

Distance.

To keep, preserve, protect.

That when the time comes,

There is no flaw.

But i hate cold turkey.

no boundaries. i need boundaries. life should revolve around boundaries!!!

Crazy people is an every-day thing for me now. but one man........this one man. there are no words to use but 'dweller' and 'scary'.

A long time ago:

I was obviously traumatized because i posted about it on facebook.....i rarely post on facebook.

Mr four-oh-four, bed one.

I really thought he was gone. really really thought that was the case. 

I even thought so on the day he left, though he asked the entire nursing staff for me to stop by one last time to say goodbye. i did really good avoiding his general direction. but still managed to encounter him in the hallway JUST as he was leaving via wheelchair. who then reached his hand out to me. who knows if he was gonna kiss it. "think fast!" i thought. i approached him with a real nonchalant fist bump instead, and yelped a quick "good luck" before making my way around the nursing station, where my supervisor alicia was standing. to hide until he was gone. honest truth.

When i thought it was over. he returned a couple weeks later because of complications. 

& harrassed every person who went into his room, hoping that one of them would pass on the message "Tell tiffany i'm in room __. tell her to come visit me." he called out the door for me even. 

Attempt 2 at discharge, & i really thought he was gone. for truly.

Not like i have anything against this person, but, what does he have against me? i have standards dude!

..........

So today.

After lunch, i went to 4 north to do treatments. 

One nurse said, "Tiffany, a patient called for you."

"What?"

"Yeah, he called the 4 north and said ,'is tiffany there? i really need to talk to tiffany'. i asked who it was. he said it was ?_?_....."

"!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"....and when i asked he just said he wanted to tell you how he was doing, and ask how you were."

"And he called the hospital phone?...."

(fyi. a patient calling after being discharged from the hospital, especially months later, to talk to a therapist.....doesn't happen.)

The nurse actually didn't know whether i worked today or not since she hadn't seen me all day, so she ended up telling him "tiffany is not here today...". & that's only because alicia was nearby documenting & heard that a patient was asking for "Tiffany", so she thought maybe she could answer whatever it was since i wasn't there. as soon as alicia heard the name she urgently shushed the nurse & waved over to her, "tell him tiffany doesn't work here anymore!! tell him she is gone from the hospital!"

Alicia's got my back. she really does though.

So now i'm afraid he's going to show up one day just to look for me. genuinely freaked out right now. 

When i was past the creeped-out part of it, alicia and i were joking about the whole situation. then she gingerly mentioned a time when she treated a patient for a while of whom she later discovered was a serial killer......so i guess i've got it easy, then 8|

She said that when she was single and started working, she would tell patients that she was married but couldn't wear her ring to work because it was too bulky and ripped through the hospital gloves. she advised me to do likewise until i'm legitimately married. for avoidance purposes only.

It's still the best advice i've received so far.... 

So if the time ever comes, i'll tell him i eloped.
And have a child or two named betsy and russell.
And maybe i'll even entrust him with a secret - something i've never told anyyyyone.....that i am actually a man.

You know, only if it really comes down to that.
But i will do it!


All in all, today i realized......he is still very much alive, and -- through miscellaneous phone call visitations -- lingers even now in the halls of 4 north. in the wake of finding a scrawny, harmless, terrified....me.

sometimes drifting thoughts lead to things

Ashley is going on a mission. :] yaay. she decided this a while ago. but there's more prep now because she can submit her papers this month.

"Tell me, what are your plans? have you thought about serving a mission?" - Mom

"I think it would be soooo neat if both our girls were on a mission at the same time." - Dad

"So Tiffany, have you thought about going on a mission?" - Mom

"What do you think about serving a mission?" - Mom

"You know, it would be kinda nice if you were both on a mission." - Mom

This is a premature thought, but....wouldn't it be cool?...ash going on a mission has reinvigorated my thoughts about possibly serving one myself. at least.....sooner than i planned.
But my plans are always changing, aren't they? that's why my hair is falling out.

I'd say a mission is currently a "can do" option.

according to urban dictionary

T-I-f-f-a-n-y

Usual medieval English form of the Greek name Theophania 'Epiphany', from theos 'god' + phainein 'to appear'. This was once a relatively common name, given particularly to girls born on the feast of the Epiphany (6 January), the festival commemorating the visit of the Magi to the infant Jesus, and it gave rise to an English surname...1

 

* Usually a very loyal, sweet, and compassionate girl, that finds the beauty in everything. She usually has many acquaintances, but very few best friends. They are always opened minded and easily content.

 

* A girl who is outgoing but sometimes shy.

 

* She can be beautiful or hot, classy or wild. She can hang with all your friends or impress your family.

 

* Usually hangs out with guys rather than girls. She can get along with anyone but prefers to keep only a few best friends. Tiffany is exciting but down to earth. She's honest but doesn't always show how sensitive she really is. She can also be weak inside but hides from it from the eye. A Tiffany will surprise you all the time with  her talents or ways to show she cares. Compassionate but sticks to her beliefs.

 

* A Tiffany is someone you don't let go of. It may take time but once she loves you she always will.

 

* They tend to be very cautious when it comes to guys and romantic relationships, but when they do love they give their full heart. They are wonderful secret keepers. Meet one and she will love you until the end of time. She is a person whom you will never forget.

 

 

That Tiffany girl is an angel. I want to be her hero baby..

 

You are a Tiffany to the T.

general conference weekend

  ...was a blast :)

picking up belen for pizza dinner date after sat. pm conf in provo

temple square in slc

swimming at the hotel, then denny's just before midnight :)

This cart was sketchy. death on wheels i say!

early morning luggage cart madness..

...Not like eddie was dancing on it or anything...harlem shake?

No!! absolutely not! +_+

gc sunday

trunkin' it waitin for the dal boy

& a stop at tia jenny's on the way home

Besides doing 5 days worth of stuff in one weekend & listening to the prophets in person & spending the weekend with fabulous people, etc... i was able to spontaneously see my cousin again (on national cousin day supposedly ftw) :D & see my aunt & abuelita.

It was worth the gc speaker lapses. that, i am currently catching up on.